Mily's Thoughts

What I’m going to be talking about to day is a notion I have always struggled with. Which is actually why I felt I had something of worth to say, because I know what it’s like to not be able see past your flaws, to see your self-worth. Finding my worth was something that took time and effort, and continues to do so. It’s most likely never going to be something that’s second nature to me, something instantaneous like when someone asks me what my name is or, when my birthday is, or even some random Harry Potter fact, like how many points a Golden Snitch is worth? Those are easy questions, questions that don’t require thinking. In case anyone was wondering, the answers are Emily, September 13th, and 150 points. On the other hand, when asked questions pertaining to my worth, like someone asking me what my strengths are, or what my talents are, or even something simple such as what my favorite thing about myself is. Those types of questions always take time to answer. Sometimes these types of questions seem so impossible that I would rather be asked to find the answers to life’s greatest mysteries. 

Finding my shortcomings and flaws has always been easy for me, it’s what I was taught to see. Going to church and hearing how everyone is worthy was something that was hard to hear, hard to understand, and especially hard to learn. It was difficult to wrap my mind around the idea that I could be worthy. I understood how everyone around me was worthy. How they were loved by God, and had His forgiveness and mercy even in their imperfection. Yet, the idea that I was worthy of God’s love, forgiveness, and mercy, was as believable to me as the Wizarding World. Scratch that, the theory that J. K. Rowling is actually Rita Skeeter and that the Harry Potter books are a biography, far more believable to me. The thing they had in common was that they were both something I wished were real, but most likely weren’t. At least in my mind.

  I felt so flawed and broken. Broken beyond repair and often the thought that I was a mistake crossed my mind. No matter how often I tried to open myself up to the idea of being worthy, I just couldn’t get there. Over time though it has been easier to let the knowledge that I am in fact worthy not only into my mind, but my heart. I’m not going to stand here and pretend like it’s always an easy thing for me to acknowledge. Some days it still feels like an impossibility. It’s something I continue to work at, but I have gotten better at catching myself. At recognizing when my thoughts are on the road that ends with tearing myself apart. I’ve gotten better at pulling the emergency brake and reminding myself that despite how I feel in the moment, it’s not the truth, or at least not the full truth. After all I’m not perfect, but I remind myself that there’s more than just the flaws. That I’m not just filled with spice, but sugar too, and everything nice. I have a light in me that I can share with others. I am worthy. That no matter my flaws or shortcomings, God sees me, all of me, the good with the bad. “The line of good and bad is not so clean, and what we are is somewhere in between” God sees my value and my worth, and loves me, as I am. “God loves us perfectly, despite our shortcomings.” That “Doesn’t mean He doesn’t want us to improve and become all that we can become.” just that He sees the value and worth and He loves each and every person.

My mom is a great cook and baker. She is artistic, and charming. I wanted to start talking about her by listing some positive things about her, the good in her. Because what I’m going to say next is something that tends to get a reaction. My mother was not a good mom. I know that may sound harsh to some, and people tend to let the way they feel toward this statement, drown out the memories and feelings behind it. But the thing is as hard as it is for people to hear, it doesn’t change the facts. She had a difficult life, I don’t think she truly healed from. As a result it felt like her love had strings attached to the end of it. Growing up it always felt that no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. Like there was more to do, more to be, in order to feel my mother’s love. 

I always seemed to fall short of the expectations required of me so I could be worthy. I didn’t wash the dishes properly, my room was never clean enough, my clothes weren’t right. My hair wasn’t done up like it should. My grades weren’t straight. I was too loud, too energetic. I talked too much. Nothing about me was what she wanted, what she expected of me. Well, there was one thing. I was pretty. I quickly learned how much my mom truly valued being pretty, it felt like it was everything to her. I felt like it was the one thing that guaranteed my mom’s love. I may not have been as clean, or as smart, or as likable as she wanted, but I was pretty enough.

It also became apparent very quickly that how pretty I was, was tied to how much I weighed. So by the time I was 8 or 9, I started to pay attention to the scale during my physicals. I noticed that my weight never changed, for years it was 98 lbs. So at 11 years old when the number on the scale changed, I freaked a little, okay a lot. I felt like the nurse made a mistake. I felt a need to do something, anything to change it back. I remember thinking about making myself throw up, and then I remembered about how much I hate throwing up. So I thought maybe I could skip a couple of meals, but I realized I love food too much to follow through on that. Plus even at the age, I could recognize that those weren’t the healthiest way to do deal with the situation. I thought about the fact that the new weight didn’t really make a difference. After all, no one had even noticed. Yet for a second I felt like my world was crashing down around me, taking my mother’s love with it.

Two pounds, that’s all it was. Two very natural pounds, because forever being 98 lbs, isn’t healthy. But to me it felt like the only positive thing, the only good thing about me was slipping through my fingers, as if it were sand. I felt like my worth was tied to the way I looked. The thing is, that it’s not. My worth is not tied to something physical. Worth isn’t something that’s visible, it’s intangible. My worth comes from being honest and true to myself. Growing up with my mom constantly pointing out the many ways I fell short of her expectations made it so I couldn’t see where I succeeded, where I shined. What I was able to learn through God and attending church was that while I may never be enough for everyone I meet, I will always be enough for God. I’m not perfect, I am far from perfect but “worthiness is not flawlessness”. “Worthiness is being honest and trying. We must be honest with God, priesthood leaders, and others who love us, and we must strive to keep God’s commandments and never give up just because we slip up.” “ It’s an everyday decision. Two steps forward, one step back. But if you do what’s right, you’re on the right track”

I grew up hearing about who I was from my mom, and I believed her. I trusted her knowledge because I didn’t have any for myself. So when she told me that I was selfish, mean, and ungrateful I believed her. When she told me that I was disgusting, or too loud, too talkative, too energetic I trusted her words. When she told me I was getting fat, or that my nose was too big, it’s all I could see in my reflection. When my mom told me that I make everyone around me miserable I knew that was why I always felt so alone. I learned to see the bad in myself, but I saw the good in others. Sometimes it’s a lot easier to see someone else’s worth than your own.

 I saw how talented my older sister Iris was, in everything she does. Whether it’s creating bedtime stories, drawing, sewing, face painting, really anything she puts her mind to. I saw how smart my sister Ruth is, and not just book smart, but “street”smart. She is able to see and understand things in a way that I can’t. My brother David is patient. He keeps his calm, even when I know I’m annoying him to his ends wit, rarely have I seen him lose his cool. My friend Lisa is one of the most loyal people I know, and she is always there for those she loves and cares for. My friend Luna is going to be a Broadway star one day, because not only does she have the talent, but because like a true Slytherin she has the ambition and determination. President Smith sees the good in everyone, and makes sure they can see it as well. Sister Smith makes sure everyone feels included and loved and wants to get to know each and every person she meets.

I had to learn how to see the good in me. I learned not to define myself by other people’s assumptions and know my self worth. I had to learn to see myself as others do, as God sees me. I learned to actually listen and take in what people were telling me instead of just outright dismissing what they said just because it didn’t align with what I heard growing up. From Iris I learned to see that I’m passionate, that when I like something, I don’t just like it, I love it. It’s all or nothing, and I stand by the things, and people I care about. Ruth taught me to see that I’m dependable, that I’m always there when I’m needed, no matter what. From David I learned to see how generous I am, how willing I am to give my money and time to others. Lisa taught me to see that I’m caring, that I go all out to make sure the people I care about are happy. From Luna I learned to see how supportive I am to the people in my life, how I’ll always help and be there for those in my life as they work their way toward their goals. President Smith taught me to see that I have a voice, and insights. That there are people that actually care about what I have to say, no matter the topic. From Sister Smith I learned to see that I’m kind, that I truly want the lives of those in my life to be full of joy, and happiness. 

I had to learn to search inside for what I felt was missing. I had to learn to see that those broken pieces I saw within my self, could create a beautiful mosaic if I arranged the pieces the way they were meant to be. Through God I learned, and was able to understand that I wasn’t going to find my worth by chasing after the approval and love of someone else. My worth is not something someone can give or take away from me. My worth comes from God. “God does not need people who are flawless. He seeks those who will offer their ‘heart and a willing mind’.” Just because I still have growing to do. Just because I have flaws, and shortcomings, and weaknesses, does not make me worthless. It makes me human, because no one is perfect. We are all made of strengths and weaknesses, because like most things in life you can’t have one without the other. They go hand in hand, just like day and night, happiness and sadness, good and bad. Everything in life is a balance. It’s what makes life so amazing and wondrous. We are all worthy, because each and every one of us is a miracle. We all have areas where growth is required, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t also shine. You find what you look for. For a long time all I looked for were my flaws, so I didn’t see anything else. It wasn’t till I asked myself what it was that made me worthy in God’s eyes that I started to see and recognize more in myself.

I am a child of God, and that means that not only am I loved, but I’m worthy. It means I have a light in me that wants to glow to make the lives of others brighter and warmer. It means, that I may stumble and lose my way from time to time, but as long as I turn to and trust my Heavenly Father I will always, always find my way back. Being worthy means that I will continue to change and grow into the person God knows I can be, the very best version of myself. That, I belong and Heavenly Father will not leave me behind. It means that when God looks down on me He “is probably saying, “Look how far” Emily “has come.”” 

We are all worth so much to God. He sees us for who we truly are on the inside where it matters. When He sees us, He sees “the love and our feelings and our soul” and we mean everything to Him. We can’t always see the full portrait that God has painted of us. Sometimes we stand so close that only a small part of the portrait is visible. Sometimes we need a guiding hand to lead us to where we are able to see the full picture. We might need to learn to quiet the voices of those that downgrade our value and learn to see through the eyes of those who have a clear view. Through prayer and reading the scriptures we can learn of our true worth. We can learn that having flaws and weakness does not diminish our worth, and we can learn to embody our worth and to share our light with others, so that they in turn may be able to burn brighter. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Everyone was quick paint Wanda as a bad guy WandaVision came to an end, and Doctor Strange in the Madness of the Multiverse didn’t help paint her in a better light. Now I’m not going to tell you that all the choices Wanda made were right or good, I mean at the end of the day she killed people. However, I do think that there is a lot more to Wanda than just what she does. It’s not fair to judge her so harshly without taking a lot of other things into consideration.

The first thing – Wanda isn’t the first, and I doubt she will be the last Marvel character to make bad decisions. When we first met Tony Stark, he develops weapons of war. If he hadn’t been kidnapped, would he have ever become Iron Man? I do not believe that the Tony we met in 2008 would have sacrificed himself. Clint Barton did away with Hawkeye and became Ronin and went on a five year killing spree when his family was snapped out of existence. Whether or not he was only killing criminals, the fact remains that he basically became Dexter Morgan, and took people away from there families. Theses criminals needed to be arrested and judged in a court of law, not murdered. We see Steven Strange time and time again break the rules and cast spells and make choices he knows he shouldn’t do – like reading the Darkhold. He was told the story of how his Earth-838 counterpart had to be killed after reading the Darkhold. He met another counterpart spends his time killing Dr. Strange counterparts after being corrupted by the Darkhold. Knowing all this he still reads and uses the Darkhold, and then proceeds to break the rules surrounding Dream walking. Long before Wanda enslaved Westview, the Eternal Druig spent thousands o years enslaving the minds of others so that they live what he believes is the right way to live life. And before Black Widow became and became an agent of S.H.E.I.L.D and later an Avenger, she spent years performing hits as part of the Red Room program. The point begin that all these heroes have made mistakes, and most have red in their ledgers. Yet, no one goes around calling them out for their wrongdoings and calling them bad guys or villains. In the minds of every one they are nothing less than heroes. We excuse their misdeeds, because of all the good they have done (or in the case of Natasha Romanoff because she had no choices in her life till Clint gave her one.)

To truly understand Wanda, we have to take a look at everything she’s been through in life, starting at the beginning. Growing up in Sokovia wasn’t easy, but Wanda was happy. All she really needed was her family. Then a missile hit her house killing her parents. Leaving her and her twin brother Pietro orphans. They then spent two days afraid of setting off a second missile. Missiles that held the Stark Industries logo on them. Years later she volunteers to be experimented on by Hydra, which unlocks her power. She joins forces with Ultron, until she learns of his ultimate plan. At which point she joins up with the Avenger to take him down. During the final battle with Ultron we see that she feels it the moment that Pietro is killed. During the events of civil war, she is used as an example as to why the Sokovia Accords are “necessary”. Tony the proceeds to deny her the ability to leave the tower. After the events of Civil War she spends two years in hiding, stealing moments with Vision. During Infinity War, we watched as Wanda was forced to kill the love of her life to stop Thanos from being able to snap away half of all life. Only for Thanos to rewind time, bring Vison back to life, and then kill him. All while Wanda could do nothing but watch. After she is snapped back into existence and attending the funeral of Tony Stark she makes her way to S.W.O.R.D in an attempt to get back Visions body. She leaves S.W.O.R.D the way she entered, empty handed. Unable to lay Vision to rest she drives to Westview. The place where Vision wanted to build their home.

In her grief (and without knowledge of the extent of her power) she creates the hex that surrounds the town of Westview and brings Vision back into her life. While living her new life with Vision she gives birth to Billy and Tommy (who Monica Rambeau conforms are real, created and brought to life by Wanda) When Wanda becomes aware that the citizens of Westview can feel her pain (something that they find unbearable, and that Wanda can never escape) she lets them go free and away from the hex. She later destroys the hex, even though she knows full well it means not only saying bye once again to the love of her life, but to her kids as well. Wanda has clearly been through a lot. She has lost everyone she has ever loved, and has been left all alone. I pose a question to you, if you were in Wanda’s shoes, would you have been able to destroy the spell that gave you back your brother, the love of your life, and gave you kids? Would you have been able to let go of the picture perfect life that she created for herself?

We can then deduce that Wanda then spends somewhere between one to two years with the Darkhold before we see her again in Doctor Strange in the Madness of the Multiverse. We know that WandaVision takes place three weeks after the events of Endgame – which takes place in 2023. Spider-Man: Far From Home takes at the end of Peter Parker’s junior year. This can either be the summer of 2023, or 2024 (Depending when in 2023 Endgame took place) Spider-Man: No Way Home picks up where Far From Home ended and continues into Peter senior year which should be either the school year of 2023-24, or 2024-25. Madness of Multiverse takes place after No Way Home, how much time has passed by is unclear, but unimportant. Clearly Wanda has spent a fair amount of time with the Darkhold in order to find a way to be reunited with her kids. We know that the Darkhold corrupts EVERYONE who reads it. Our Dr. Strange spent two minutes with it and developed a third eye, Wanda spent much more time reading it. Wanda was left alone to be corrupted by the Darkhold with only her grief and the hope of seeing her kids again to keep her company. We learn that Dr. Strange knew about what happened in Westview, and only saw it fit to pay her a visit when he needed her.

By the time Wanda has turned into the Scarlet Witch only one thing drives her every thought, every decision, every choice, every action. Her kids, the knowledge that somewhere in the multiverse her kids are alive. She only needs to find her way to them. What mother wouldn’t go to the ends of the multiverse to be reunited with her kids? She didn’t set out with the attention of hurting anyone, she tried to warn everyone she came across to not attempt to fight her. Her goal wasn’t to take over the world like Loki, or cause the extinction of humans like Ultron, or snap away half of life like Thanos did. She just want her kids back. She wanted her family back. She wanted to feel happy and whole, like she did while living in Westview. The Scarlet Witch, came to her senses, and realizes how far of the deep end she went thanks to Billy and Tommy. Who else but her kids could have knocked sense into her? – maybe Vision. Seeing how they fear her opens her eyes to the damage she has caused due to the Darkhold’s influence on her. She then does what she does best, and scarifies everything to fix things. While destroying every copy of the Darkhold in the multiverse – so that no one can ever be corrupted by it’s power again – she losses her life.

We all make mistakes, some are bigger than others. Wanda became lost in the darkness of her pain, of her grief. She made really bad judgement calls as a result. She needed understanding and a helping hand. Strange telling her that her kids didn’t exist – multiple times – was not the way to make her see reason. For two reasons one, lets take a look at the words of Yelena Belova “Don’t say that, it was real, it was real to me”. And two, Multiverse. They exist all over the different earths throughout the multiverse. Also, it was because America was able to empathize with Wanda’s need to be with her kids, that she was able to realize that the best way to defeat Wanda was not to fight her head on, but through her kids.

Wanda wanted to be a good person, and at her core she is. She’s not a villain or a hero, she just a person, a mother. She’s doing the best she can at the moment. She was a lost individual trying to find some way back to happy. She was left all alone to deal with the pain that drove the citizens of Westview to near craziness. Everyone she knew left her behind. Vision, Tony, Natasha died. Steve Rogers stayed back in time to be with Peggy. Who knows what Bruce is up to (we’re sure to find out in She-Hulk). Peter went back to being a teenager, Clint back to his family. Dr. Strange back to the Sanctum in New York. No one, alive, bothered to check up on Wanda. Can we really judge her harshly for her actions, wrong as they were? Also, Wanda was right to call Dr. Strange a hypocrite, yet he’s a hero and she’s a villain.

The jury found in favor of Johnny Depp. They ruled that all three statements from the Washington Post Op-ed article written by Amber Heard were false and defamatory towards Depp. Through out the trail the opinion of the public was very much in favor of Depp. So much so that it didn’t matter whether he won in court or not. However, even though it was clear to anyone with social media that in the court of public opinion Depp had already won the press had other ideas. Many articles were written in favor of Heard. They all wanted to paint Heard as a damsel in distress, that she was being targeted, unjustly. That we should be supporting her, especially in light of the Me-Too movement. However, Camille Vasquez and Ben Chew said it best this was not a case of me too, but rather not me.

The articles littered across the internet wanted to hide behind the fact that Depp’s name was not mentioned. But it did not matter if his name was written in the article or not. Most people can read in between the lines and let their common sense work out what is trying to be said. We do it all the time, take Taylor Swift for example. She is known for writing songs about her relationships. Her fans, both big and small can link songs and albums to her past relationships. Fearless is about her time with Joe Jonas. Red can be linked to Jake Gyllenhaal. “Back to December” is about Taylor Lautner, and the list goes on. Yet, she never puts their names in her some, but we know, we know. Just like we knew the article was about Johnny Depp, and the jury also saw this truth. Who else could Heard have been talking about when she wrote “then two years ago, I felt the full force of our culture’s wrath for women who speak out”. Even six years can do basic math. 2018 (the release of the article) minus two years, takes us to 2016 the year of her divorce to Depp, and when she was photographed with a “bruise” after filling for a TRO. People may not have known who Amber Heard was when her name was mentioned by itself but                          restraining order against him. His name did not need to be mentioned for common sense to dig up the hidden messages.

The press was quick to remind us that we were talking about actors, and how can we trust what they are saying while on the stand. How do we know that this Academy nominated actor wasn’t just doing what he does best and acting? The jury didn’t just have the testimonies of Heard and Depp to reach their verdict. They had photos, videos, audio recordings, witnesses. We had people come forward with new testimony during the trail in support of what Depp had been telling us. People that had nothing to gain form coming forward. What did Kate Moss gain? What did Morgan Tremaine gain? These photos, videos, audio recordings, and witnesses are how the jury knew who was telling the truth. The court case in London is also brought up quite a bit. Some wanted us to believe that a trail in the UK is the same as a trial in the US, there not. In the UK, there was nor jury of peers, just a judge. The way a witness is asked questions is different, the way evidence is emitted is different. The verdict was that the evidence proved that what The Sun claimed was “substantially true” How something can be substantially true is beyond me. Something is either true or it isn’t. By definition when something is true it is in accordance with fact or reality, it is accurate or exact. Substantially is defined as to great or significant extent for the most part or essentially. So, in other words the allegations put forward by The Sun were essentially or basically accurate.

If during the trial is seemed like social media had overwhelming picked Depp’s side, I wonder what the reason for that was? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that many survivors of domestic abuse were watching this trail and felt dishonesty coming from Heard. Maybe they could identify themselves in what Depp was saying. Who would be better at spotting the truth when in comes to case revolving around domestic abuse then those who have been there themselves? Some called out misogyny when it came to all the support around Depp. Yet, I remember many saying they would boycott Fantastic Beasts and the Crimes of Grindelwald if Depp was not taken of the cast list for the movie. I also find it hard to believe that most people weren’t inclined to believe Heard at the start of this. We are talking about domestic abuse, it is far easier to believe that a women suffered at the hands of a man, than to believe that a man was abused by a woman. That’s because statistically it is usually the women who is turned into a victim. But just because something is not the norm does not mean it cannot be true.

Justice was served yesterday. The jury say the truth. Amber Heard and her team now want us to believe that this is a step back for women, that the jury overlooked the key issue of Freedom of Speech. Freedom of Speech does not allow us to spread what we know to be harmful lies about someone. Heard continues to try to paint herself as a victim, but we should not allow her to do so anymore. Johnny Depp wanted the truth to be brought into the light. It took six years for that to happen, but now he can finally move on from his painful past with Amber Heard. Hopefully we can all learn a lesson from this very public trail – don’t jump to conclusions, lend a year to anyone willing to speak out. Abuse can take many forms, just like an abuser can take many faces. There is a reason that we believe in innocent till proven guilty. You should not allow misconceptions cloud your judgment without getting the full picture first.

What Heard did, spreading these lies about Depp is what caused a step back, not the jury seeing past her lies and finding in favor of the truth. She took advantage of a movement that was much needed and provided strength to so many. She then claimed to donate $7 million to charity, something we now know she did not do. Pledge and donate have never and will never mean the same thing. Heard managed to weave web of lies so big that she knows she can never break free from. Her lies have made it harder for true victims of domestic abuse to be believed. Hopefully people focus not on Heard’s lies, but rather the truth. The truth has been revealed. The world has heard the truth. The jury heard the truth, because of this a man can get his life back. It took six years, but it happened. The truth always comes out, and justice was served. I hope that is what we take away from this, to look for the truth. We do not need to bully people and send death threats. Depp’s only care was about the truth. The truth is what matters, and we need to be on the side of truth regardless of whether it lies with a woman or a man. It is not about believing women, it’s about believing victims, who I hope can find strength in Johnny Depp.

In Marissa Meyer’s “Fairest” of The Lunar Chronicles we get a deeper understanding of Queen Levana’s motives and how she thinks and feels. We learn about how she rose to power, and about her various relationships with the people in her life. We learn of her deep burning love for Royal Guard Evert Hayle. If we can even call what she feels for Evert love, sometimes it feels more like a blinding obsession. Is the Levana we love to hate even capable of feelings such as love. She certainly didn’t hold such affection for her parents, unable to produce anything other than glamour made tears at their funeral.

While reading “Fairest” we learn more about the Lunar gift that allows them to not only alter their appearances through glamours, but to manipulate the bioelectricity of the people the come in contact with. We come to understand that when taught how to use the Lunar gift it is also explained that one must never use their gifts on babies and children. The use of the Lunar gift on those whose brains are still forming could have lasting harmful effects on them. We also learn that this was something that Channary (Levana’s older sister and predecessor of the title of queen) often ignored when it came to her younger sister. Channary used her Lunar gift on Levana that at six years old Levana could tell when her older sister was about to manipulate her thoughts and actions.

At the beginning of the book, we are introduced to a then 15-year-old Levana, who though lacking any real emotion for being left an orphan seems like any other same aged Lunar. Even the fact that she feels no sadness to losing her parents seems to be normal. It is explained to use that no one really had any great affection for the late King and Queen of Lunar. We learn that Levana and Channary are still often at odds with each other, and Channary has no qualms about reminding Levana who is to become the next ruler of Lunar. We learn about Levana’s feelings of being an outsider and unseen even though she is a princess, and we are told about how at eight years old Levana “fell in love” with Evert Hayle despite him being twelve years her senior.

Evert, see how lonely Levana truly is and extends his hand in friendship. Levana though begins to confuse Evert’s acts of kindness for a show of romantic interest in her. The fact that he is married to a very pregnant Solstice, and that he is 27 years old to her 15 years of age, or that he holds the title royal guard to her title of princess are of ill consequence. Those are just obstacles preventing them form expressing how they feel for each other. So, when Solstice dies while giving birth to Winter Hayle, one of Levana’s first thoughts is how she can now be with Evert. That after the brief period of time he would have to spend mourning the loss of his wife, he will finally belong to her.

When Levana next sees Evert she expresses her feelings to him. He tries to explain to no avail, that he only see’s the young princess as a friend. Levana see’s this as him trying to be honorable because of the difference of status and his late wife Solstice. She believes that he is lying to himself out of guilt. So, she decides that the best course of action is to “help” Evert admit his true feelings by not only using a glamour of his deceased wife but by manipulating his thoughts. This leads to a kiss, which leads to more stolen moments and kisses. Levana believes that they are in a relationship that must be kept secret only because he is a royal guard. For months, they play cat and mouse till eventually Evert falls prey and ends up in a trap. Waking up next to Levana having breakfast in her bed as if nothing has happened freaks Everts out. He is distraught at the thought of what happened the previous night. He tells Levana how he had hoped that it wouldn’t get to this point, that she would grow bored of her game. How he tried to leave his job as a royal guard, but Channary would not allow it. How he could not only lose his job but his life for what has occurred. How he believes that Levana is a confused girl and that even though he still cares for her he does not love her.

Levana refuses to hear or see the truth, even though during what she feels was a magical night he kept calling her Sol (his nickname for Solstice). She asks him to marry her, as if to fix all their problems. No one would dare question their relationship if they were husband and wife. How this would make his daughter Winter a princess and she would never want for anything. Evert seeing no way out agrees. Though Evert spends the next ten years trying to be a good husband to Levana, he never falls in love with her, a fact that Levana is unable, or more accurately unwilling to see. Levana power-hungry attempts to kill her niece so she won’t ever have to step down as queen and later has “the love of her life” murdered so that she will be free to marry someone in a position of power on Earth. Though she vows to only ever, love Evert, by never taking of her wedding band.

The question though is this – Is Levana twisted because of Channary’s continued use of her gift on Levana, or was Levana simply born twisted? In the flashback which depicts a 6-year-old Levana, she seems sweet and curious and a little scared and hesitant. She seemed happy with the hand she was dealt. Now that may have been because she was so young and there for still learning who she was and wanted out of life. But why would author Marissa Meyer feel the need to tell us about how damaging it can be when someone has their bioelectricity constantly manipulated at a young age, if not to give us an insight as to why Levana is so skilled at twisting the meaning of people’s actions to fit the narrative her mind needs to believe in. Deep down she’s just a sad, lonely, confused person that will never be able to see the world for what it truly is. She truly believes that her actions are justified because she and only she can get Lunar to reach its true potential. Her mind plays tricks on her that blinds her to the reality of the true price that others pay under her rule.

Though it is possible that if Levana hadn’t been so messed up her niece would have grown up as Crowned Princess of Lunar Selene Blackburn instead of as Cyborg Linh Cinder resident of the Eastern Commonwealth. Cinder brings peace between Lunar and Earth, was well as freeing Lunar from the rule of a monarchy. I doubt that Queen Selene would have accomplished the same, or even wanted that. Still, you can’t help but feel a little bad for Levana. In her life she was unable to truly understand or feel love, a part of her soul forever lost, trying to find it’s way back. Something that no doubt played a part in her downfall.

As seasons pass, and we become wiser with age, we become knowledgeable of what the meaning of  true responsibility means. As kids, responsibilities tend to be limited to a couple of chores, and school. As you get older, each milestone in life means new responsibilities. Your first job. Learning to drive. College. Living on your own. Buying a house. Having kids. Throughout our lives the one responsibility that is never changing is our personal responsibility. According to a psychology glossary, Personal responsibility is the belief that human beings choose and control their own actions and destiny. For this reason, it is generally socially accepted that an individual’s actions are their own responsibility and that they should be held morally and legally responsible for the outcomes of those actions. I believe that as well as being held morally and legally, we will be held spiritually responsible for the outcomes of our actions. 

We each have a responsibility to our actions, choices and to our growth. In June of 1985 Hugh W. Pinnock of the Seventy, gave a devotional at BYU about “Accepting Personal Responsibility”. He stated that “Unfortunately, one of the most comfortable mistakes that a college student or anyone else can make that leads to eventual disaster is leaving the decisions of one’s behavior to others.”  It can sometimes be easier to let someone else take the reins of our life and let them decide what is right for us. But when we leave to others the decisions that affect us, our self-understanding is diminished, our personal progress is always slowed, and our feelings of self-value are clouded and reduced. In order to live our lives to the fullest and to grow into the best versions of ourselves we must take responsibility for our lives, for our choices, and for who we were, are, and will be. 

Personal responsibility begins with the choices we make both big and small, and not those of others. We should never define ourselves by the opinions of others and let our Lord guide our path toward His will. We must all start by asking ourselves what areas of my life must I take personal responsibility for if I want joy, peace and happiness? In his devotional, Elder Pinnock listed a couple of areas of life and decisions that lead to a happy and joyful life. The first of which was simple, yet can be difficult at times – Live the Commandments. He told us to, not only keep the commandments, but to “go the extra mile, and be willing to forgive ourselves when we have made mistakes.” because mistakes will be made. No one is perfect, and no one should have to be perfect, our perfection comes from following the Will of God.

To learn a little about what trying to be perfect all the time can do to someone we can look to Disney’s Encanto. A little back round on the Academy Awarded movie first, Encanto tells the story of the family Madrigal. The Madrigals are an extraordinary family who live hidden in the mountains of Colombia in a charmed place called the Encanto. The magic of the Encanto has blessed every child in the family with a unique gift. The magic of the Encanto started with abuela and a candle that holds the magic of the Encanto. Her kids were the first to be blessed with gifts. Pepa can control the weather, Bruno can see the future and Julieta can heal with a meal. Pepa married Felix and Julieta got married to Agustin, each couple had three kids each. For the sake of time and this talk were going to focus on Julieta and Agustin’s kids. The graceful Isabella, can grow “rows and rows of roses” and many other pretty perfect flowers. Following Isabella is Luisa. Luisa has a “rough indestructible surface” She moves mountains and churches, and rounds up the donkeys when they get loose. Mirabel the youngest of the sisters did not receive a gift.

During a celebration Mirabel notices cracks in the magical Madrigal house, call Casita. She realizes that the miracle is starting to die, and with it the Encanto and the families gifts.  Mirabel decides it’s up to her to save the miracle.With the help of her uncle Bruno, Mirabel learns that to save the miracle she has to hug her older sister Isabella. This is not an easy task for Mirabel. The sisters seem to always find themselves at odds with each other. Mirabel views Isabella as “the perfect golden child” all Mirabel can see are the flowers that Isabella grows, and to Mirabel her sister’s life has been a dream since the moment she opened her eyes. To Mirabel Isabella can do no wrong in the eyes of their family, whereas she, being the only one in her family without a gift, often feels out of step from the rest of her family. 

Isabella being mad at Mirabel for ruin her proposal refuses to “hug it out” with out an apology. And apology that Mirabel finds hard to deliver. Mirabel forces the words I am sorry out, and quickly follows it with “that your life is so great”. As Isabella has her vines drag her sister out of her room Mirabel blurts out that “some of us have bigger problems, you selfish entitled princess” This cause Isabella to unload on Mirabel that she has been stuck being perfect her whole entire life, and that she never wanted to marry Marinao, that she was only doing it for the family. It is at that moment that Isabella grew a cactus, something that is as far from the picture perfect roses that she usually grows. She then asks herself “What else can I do?” She wonders what she could do if she knew that it didn’t need to be perfect, if she could just grow what she was feeling in the moment. Mirabel tells her sister that there’s nothing she can’t do. In trying to be perfect Isabella limited herself. She and her powers were stuck, unable to grow “like the grapes that thrive on the vine”. It is our imperfections that allow us to grow. Being able to make mistakes is a vital part of life. When you do happen to make a mistake it is important to confront it, instead of sweeping it under the rug. No matter if the mistakes we make are big or small, it is important to take responsibility for them, so that we may learn and grow from them. The goal is not to avoid making mistakes, but to recognize our mistakes, learn from them, and try to prevent them in the future, by following the Will of God for our life and seeking His forgiveness.

In her book How To Be a Bawse, Lilly Singh lists four steps to help us grow from our mistakes. Taking ownership, Calling yourself out, finding solutions, and communicating. “Taking ownership is difficult, because it requires disarming defense mechanisms such as pride, fear, and ego” When it comes to mistakes it is often easier to try to play the blame game, deflect, deny, or ignore it entirely. Admitting fault is never easy, however “If you admit to making a mistake you can work on fixing it, but if you deny the entire thing who’s going to solve the issue?” Calling yourself out requires you to “identify the cause of your mistake so that you can understand how to prevent it.” It is important to be real and honest when figuring out why you made a mistake, “sometimes we use the best defense mechanisms against ourselves” 

“Once you honestly identify the cause of your mistake, come up with a solution” You can only learn and grow from a mistake if you “discover how to prevent them from happening again” “You need to find solutions, and not just fairy-tale solutions like “try harder” but real solutions, that enact real change in your life and yourself. It is also vital to remember that “No mistake is too big or too small to apologize for, and no ego should be too big to make that apology.” When apologizing for a mistake it should be done in a meaningful way. “Deliver an honest apology and explain how you’ll prevent your mistake from happening again in the future. An apology indicates that you care and that you’re a responsible adult – not a six-year-old child.” When you take responsibility for a mistake it shows that you have integrity, and the people around you will notice” 

The second area of our life that Elder Pinnock said we should evaluate in order to take better personal responsibility is our priorities. While everyone’s priorities will look different in order to match where they are in life, we should all take a moment to ask yourselves a couple of questions. “What are your priorities? Are your afternoons wasted? Do you go to bed a little bit better than you were when you woke up?” Are you working towards meeting your goals? Sometimes it may take time or it might seem as though you’ll never meet your goals, as if you are stumbling blindly in a dark tunnel, but if you chip away a little everyday, eventually you will be able to see the light leading you to your goals. “You got to dig a little deeper, find out who you are, when you find out who you are, you’ll find out what you need, blue skies and sunshine guaranteed” We have to work at it everyday by taking a look at our actions and taking responsibility for where they lead us, hopefully that’s closer and not farther away from where and who we want to be. 

The third area in our life’s that we must take personal responsibility for is our social skills. “We must be the type of people who are giving and sharing their lives with others in proper ways.” You never know when you might be the shoulder someone needs to lean on. You never know when someone needs the advice or piece of wisdom that only you can give. You should always be ready to be there for someone who might need you. Of course the best way to be there for someone else, is to be there for yourself. While it is important to be a service to others, we must make sure that we don’t lose ourselves in being everything to everyone else. 

In Disney’s Encanto Luisa is the “strong” one, she feels like she has to take all the heavy things that the others can’t handle. She wonders who she is if she can’t carry it all. Under the surface she feels that she’s worthless if she can’t be of service. She never lets anyone she, her worry, or how she’s carrying too much. But like Lusia, says or more accurately sings, the pressure she feels will tip till she just goes pop. Luisa was so busy moving churches and rounding up donkeys, that she left no room for herself, for relaxation or joy. It’s hard to be there for others if you feel like all you know is “Pressure like a tick, tick, tick ’til it’s ready to blow.” In order to help others to the best of your abilities, you have to take care of yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Heavenly Father wants us to be there for one another, but not at the expense of ourselves. In order to truly be there for others, we have to first be there for ourselves.

When we take responsibility for ourselves, we are better able to understand who we are, and where there is room for growth. Ask yourself  “did you stand or did you fall? Build a bridge or build a wall? Did you quit or did you try? Will you bend or will you break?’ Whatever the answers, own up to them, and take responsibility for your choices. “One of the greatest gifts our Father in Heaven has given to each of us is the power to choose. Making correct choices is all about taking responsibility for our actions” When you make a mistake remember to take ownership, and call your self out on them. Then find real solutions, and communicate how you will learn and grow from them. Taking responsibility is miraculous—it leads to a deeper sense of happiness. This works in a seemingly counterintuitive way. When we take responsibility for our actions in a righteous way, we surrender our will to God. By recognizing that He is in charge, we are more willing to move on from our failures, learn the lessons we are supposed to, and be content—even in the face of challenges.”  I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Christmas time! It’s a wonderful time of year, don’t you think? But why?

Santa?

Presents?

The birth of Christ?

All of the Above, or something completely different? What is the spirit of Christmas? The birth of Christ is a major part of it. His birth is something that should be celebrated every year, but I feel like that’s only part of it. It’s not just the fact that Jesus Christ, the redeemer, the savior was born that’s important, but what his birth represented – Hope. Hope for the future. Hope that we as people could, and would grow into the best versions of ourselves. Hope that there will always be someone there to lend a helping hand to those in need. That’s what the birth of Christ means to me, because after all doesn’t Christ equal hope. I think Christmas fills everyone with hope. and that hope turns to good cheer. It’s that hope and good cheer that gives us the spirit of giving. I also believe that at the core that’s what Santa represents too. Santa isn’t about getting gifts. Santa is about the blessings or gifts you receive when your nice. When you strive to be the best versions of yourself. When you learn from your mistakes, and lend a helping hand to those around you. Christmas is about being happy, and being surrounded with friends and family. It’s about seeing the good in everyone and everything. Christmas is about seeing how far you’ve come in an year, and about giving back to not only those in need, but those that have been there for you through the trails that the past year has brought. That’s the spirit of Christmas to me, and it’s something i don’t think we should lose sight of this Christmas, or any Christmases to come. It’s something I hope I never lose sight off.

What does Christmas mean to you?

Do the ends justify the means? Is it okay for someone to do something terrible, because it’s for “the greater good?” There is a purpose to all the pain and suffering I am causing, in the end I will be able to help thousand, or possibly millions. Does that statement make everything okay?

It’s a question that is often asked in movies, one such movie is Old (directed and produced by M. Night Shyamalan). Throughout the movie you wonder, why? Why this group of people? Why send them to this beach? Why put them in this situation? Why send them all to their deaths? Why do all of this? At the end you get the answers to your questions. The answer is a simple one – to save lives. In order to cure illnesses. In order to cut through red tape and long, costly, timely trails, and quickly find out with set of drugs work and which don’t. The lives of a few unsuspecting families, for the lives of millions. Do the ends justify the means?

There aren’t many who would volunteer to fast forward their lives to test out a possible cure to an illness. Who would give up a lifetime for 24 hours? The powers that be didn’t want this opportunity to be lost. So they figured out a way to conduct life changing medical trails without the knowledge of any outside forces. In order to go through these trails, not only did they send sick people to the beach, but their whole families. Their husbands, and wives, their kids, even there dogs. All those lives now meant to be lived in just one day. But the question is, did the ends justify the means? If doing these secret trails and sending people to their deaths worth fast forwarding years of medical studies. If the deaths of these families meant the cure to epilepsy, to cancer, to mental illnesses?

I don’t think so. How can you ever justify sending families to their deaths, even if it is to save lives. I can see where one can come to the conclusion that the ends justify the means. That they are sacrificing the few for the many, it’s all for the “greater good”. But how can something be for the “greater good” if you have to hide what you are doing? If you have to jump through hoops to maker it seem like whole families just vanished from the safety of their homes? Can the ends ever truly justify the means? What do you believe?

Miracles are divine acts, manifestations and expressions of God’s limitless power, and an affirmation that He is “the same yesterday, today, and forever.”(2 Nephi 27:23) Miracles can come in all shapes and sizes like, the resurrection of Jesus Christ, or Joseph Smith’s first prayer. Not all miracles are big and spectacular like seeing the dead rise, or having Heavenly Father and His beloved son standing before you. Miracles happen everyday, and they can sometimes seem or feel small when compared to some of the miracles that are described throughout the scriptures. However, “the magnitude does not distinguish a miracle, only that it came from God.” (“Behold! I Am a God of Miracles” by Elder Ronald A. Rasband, General Conference April 2021) A miracle is an extraordinary event caused by the power of God. They are His way of reminding us not only of His power, but the love He has for each and every one of us.

There are miracles all around us. Sometimes we tend to forget, or take for granted the everyday miracles. In preparation for this talk, I asked my sister Ruth what she thought of when she heard the word miracle, among her answers were grass and air, as well as compassion and love. These are things that most people experience in their everyday life. The grass and air are things that have been here since the miracle that is the creation. When you go outside you breathe in the air and can see the sparkle of the sunlight hitting the morning dew on the grass. You receive and give compassion and love to others. Most of the time this happens without really thinking of what it means. We can get caught up in this idea that a miracle is something big and spectacular. Something that is so very clearly a miracle. Something like a plane vanishing and reappearing in the sky five and half years later with all passengers not having aged a single day. Which for those that don’t know is the premise of a tv show called Manifest. While some miracles can be big like that: those big miracles can make us overlook the miracles that are there everyday of our lives. 

My sister Ruth also said that the birth of a baby is a miracle, it was actually the first thing she said. I think that’s something that everyone can agree on. That babies are nothing short of a miracle. Babies are one of those everyday miracles, like the sun, and the air, and the grass. The UN estimates that around 385,000 babies are born each day around the world. That’s 385,000 lives breathing air for the time, opening their eyes for the first time, being held for the first time. On August 8th of this year one of those babies was my niece, Melodie Rose. Melodie being born meant that Iris and her husband, Aaron are now parents. That my mom and dad are grandparents. That Ruth and I are aunts. And that my brother is an uncle, though he claims he’s too young to be an one. The amount of changes that one new little life brings to so many people is a miracle. Melodie brings this light out of my sister that I have never seen before. It’s like Iris is somehow both the exact same person I’ve always known, and a whole new one at the same time. You can not only see how much she loves her baby, but you can hear it in her voice. You can see and hear the love that my sister has for her daughter. When you’re in the same room as my sister and she’s holding her baby girl in her arms, you can not only see the love written all over her face, but you can feel it in the air just how much she loves Melodie. Iris told me that she lives for Melodie now, that I have no idea how much love she has for Melodie, and I believe her. I believe that as much love as I feel pouring out of my sister, there is still way more in her. So I think Ruth was right, love is a miracle. Because the amount of love I see Melodie receive from my sister can’t be anything other than a miracle.

Iris’ love for Melodie is truly unconditional. It is so different from anything I have ever experienced. My mom had a hard life, and I feel that it makes it difficult for her to love someone unconditionally. Growing up, I used to think that the way I was raised, that the way that my mom treated me and my sisters growing up was how it was for everyone. And then I got baptized, and started coming to church every week. I got to see how the many mothers in my wards and branches raised and treated their kids, and while each of them had their own ways of raising their kids, I could tell that they all loved their kids, and wanted their happiness above everything. The more I saw, the more I realized how different these mothers treated their kids when compared to my mom.

Miraculously, I had an older sister. Because God loves to work through other people, and that includes the miracles He bestows upon us. Iris kept the lights on, she listened to me endlessly talk about the things I love, she protected me, and made me feel safe. Most importantly, when my mom threatened to kick me out at sixteen, she took me in. Which meant that now both Ruth and me we’re living under her roof. Which could not have been easy, I’m hard enough to deal with now, I was worse back then. And Ruth and I tended to argue, a-lot. I didn’t realize how hard it must have been for her, and Aaron then, but I’m starting to now. She put the needs of her sisters before her own. And Aaron, who was just my sister’s boyfriend, not only agreed to let us live with them, but he showed us love and treated us as if we were his sisters as well. It was the first time in my life that I felt what it really meant to be a family. Not that it was all smooth sailing.

All the things that my sister and now brother-in-law did for me were each miracles in their own ways. From buying Ruth and me new clothes and shoes, even when I refused to admit I needed them, to always taking us out to a restaurant of our choice for our birthday. Which for me always meant sushi for four people. Aaron and Iris would plan family activities from movies to rock climbing instead of just going out on a date. Aaron taught Ruth and me how to play many different card games. He would have us help when his or Iris’ car was in need of repairs so we could learn to do it for ourselves. Iris would spend time with us by practicing her face painting on us, or waking up early to take us to work and school. These were all small acts, and yet the impact they had on me makes them miracles. Because sometimes the most important miracles aren’t the big, large ones, but rather the small ones. These acts of kindness and love helped me find the light in my life and realize God’s sustaining grace. They helped me stay strong when I felt weak, and they helped me find the courage to keep going when I felt like giving up. My sister and brother-in-laws love for me protected me in ways I couldn’t see as it was happening.

The power that love possess creates miracles in lifes. Not just in this world, but in the worlds found inside the pages of books. The Harry Potter series has many themes throughout it’s seven books, but the one that JK Rowling wove throughout all seven books, is that out of all the magic in that world the greatest and most powerful one is love. Love is a powerful force that can bring about many miracles. Dumbledore explains to Harry not only how strong love is, but what can happen when you don’t have the miracle of love in your life. At the end of Philosopher’s Stone Dumbledore tells Harry this “If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love. He didn’t realize that love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves it’s own mark. Not a scar, no visible sign… to have loved so deeply, even though the person who loved is gone, will give us some protection forever. It is in your very skin.” Voldemort fails time and time again throughout the books because he could never understand the miracles that can come from love, both small and big. Out of all the millions of miracles that God has ever given us, I think the greatest one is our ability to love, and be loved. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

We always seem to think that we have time, but how much do we really have? The concept of time is somehow both simple and complex at the same time. People always seem to think that they have all the time in the world to do something, and yet somehow, we also seem to feel as if there are not enough hours in a day. Why is that? What makes us say, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” rather than “I should do that, right now.” What makes something or someone more worthy of our time? and does time actually heal all wounds?
The infinite progress of existence and events, in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. That is the definition of time. A way to measure our existence, who your are at any given moment in your life, in history. The question is how to spend that time. Do you spend it by relaxing on the couch with a good book or t.v. show? Or do you got out with some friends or family? We could explore our “backyards” or travel the world. We could spend our time learning and growing both apart and together. We could spend time being stuck in the past. Past pains, past relationships, both romantic and not, past mistakes. Or we could learn from the past, so we can spend our time living in the present, and working towards a better tomorrow. However we choose to spend our time, I think it’s important that we do it in a way where we don’t end up regretting our “progress of existence”, don’t you?

Pixar’s newest was meant to be a movie Luca was meant to be a simple movie about kids being kids. It was meant to be about making friends and about discovering and exploring the world around you. Yet it has become something more. While it is not officially a movie about what being gay is like, for many that is exactly what the movie is about. Many people, including me, have found many parallels between Luca and what people go through when figuring out and accepting who they are. As well as what they go through while trying to decide when is the right time to come out. From the fact that Luca and Alberto have to hide their true selves as sea monsters out of fear to Luca’s parents worry that the people of Portorosso will find out the truth about their son, and they won’t be able to protect him, or the two old ladies seen throughout many scenes in the movie are sea monsters living their lives as ordinary humans. While the director views this movie as what it means to be a kid before the idea of falling in love enters someone’s head, it is easy to see why many feel that Luca is more than what it was intended to be.
While some might see the movie the way the director saw it, others might see a movie about accepting every part of yourself, and others. To me Luca is about facing your fears, finding the strength to not only leave what you know, your home, your comfort zone to discover not only who you are but who you are meant to be, and acceptance. At the end of the movie, the sea monsters and the people of Portorosso learn that despite their obvious differences, they can still get along, because the things they have in common outweigh what they don’t. I can see Luca and Alberto being best friends, I can also see them becoming more than just friends. Whether or not Luca and Alberto are more than friends really depends on the viewer and what they interpret and take away from the movie. Either way, it’s a great movie that will bring a positive message to your life.